The noise is so damn loud, but everything else is just dust and sound!...

So I've been to a rave. A long fucking drive and a chest vibrating with bass and beeps. Tons of people, individual twitches of the body in a mass of serperation.

There is a God in the car.

Everyone doing their own thing, the emo goth kids in the corner all depressed and glaring, the kids with their blacklight plastics, the punks spazzing in the drum'n'bass room, lightsticks cracked and creeping along in swirls and circles, the X addicts damn near blasting off in the side booths, the feel of individuality in a mass. Strange. Nice, but not my scene. I miss the ebb and flow of the pit, the synchronization, the collective...ferocity? I need something more animalistic for my feet to move.

An experience, but not my type of pow-wow.
And I swear to god, the next person that blows a whistle in my ear is going to get punched in the face.

To each their own.

The possibility of a job, proof-reading, maybe. It's amazing how a haircut will make you feel. Fresh, presentable, ready to get back to work, to make a living.

Hah, the staggered breaths, the hestitation, the glances at each other. Check back in a few....Come see me in a few....Check back next...God damnit ladies, do not treat me like a fucking idiot! Yes, I'm from Arkansas, yes I've done shit tons of general labor, no I have not completed college yet, but do not for one, single, miniscule, fleeting fucking moment, think I have not dealt with people, I can read you pretty easily. Just say 'Maybe we should look in a different direction.'

Damnit I don't want to go backto breaking my knuckles. I have the skills, just not the experience.

The references.

The education.

The societal means of advancing one self.

3rd class education with an emphasis on how shitty people can be will actually get you a bit farther than one might think. I just wish it would get me a god damn decent job. But who the fuck is gonna suck it up and take a chance on a seemingly redneck dumbass from the middle of nowhere with no real world experience or people skills or shit.

Redundant.
Redundant.

Grasp that.

I'm feeling way too frustrated and aggresive lately. No outlets. I want to lay some paint on someones face and let him know who did it. I want to roll that linebacker up in a little ball and talk to him on the way down. I want ...

To have something.


Fuck it, I'm going to bed.

Snowballs chance in hell of anything working out is what it feels like. C'mon ladies, next time I'm in, don't bullshit me.