Believe in me, cuz I don't believe in anything, and I, wanna be someone, who believes...

Something hangs in the air, a heavy piano dangling delicately by a slender string threatening to crush whatever passes beneath.

Instead of a piano we have words, held back by a breath hoping for a better tomorrow. A breath which is corked by dreams and gagged under the threat of all that we have hoped for, all that we’ve planned, will be crushed by the words building in our hearts.

I refuse to delude myself, right Josh? No matter the cost.

Some days I wish I could though. For the happiness, the ability to turn a blind eye to problems, to not notice the little quiver on the edge of the lips, to not see the slight glean hovering behind someone’s eyes.

To not hear the full story coming through in quips and quirks.

To never break down again, to never have to question my reasoning.
To accept the shortcomings.
To accept how my life is going to be.

There was a point in my life, not so long ago, where I would think back, and picture events in my life which I thought were quite important. But I would imagine them as if I weren’t there.

Now here’s where perception kicks in.

I told him, eyes boiling with tears, that “I just think, sometimes, that things would just be simpler if I didn’t exist.”

And I find with each person I encounter.
Each person I fail to impress.
Each life I influence.
Each god that I question.
Each time I fail to believe in myself.
In others.
Every time I plan my future.
Every time I fail to be a good man.
A human.
A god.


I find that I’ve been right all along. But then again, maybe I’m here to cause disarray. Maybe my past life had shitty karma, and this is penance.

Ah fuck it, don’t come out and say anything about anything. I’ll find out sooner or later the words that never come out of peoples mouths.

Nobody surprises me anymore.